Fortunate to be Homeschooling

 

 

Asalaam ‘Alaikum,

 

Alhumdulilah – I am so fortunate to be given the opportunity to home school.  Aren’t you?  I know many people would think I am crazy for saying this – although none of them home school themselves.  However, I’m sure that most of you that home school feel the same way.  Now, if you are new to the game of home schooling, I am sure you are also scratching your head.  I remember when I first started – I didn’t doubt it was what I should be doing but there wasn’t a week where I wasn’t stressed at least once (if not more) and searching my way through it all.  I didn’t know if I could ever be at peace with homeschooling – but everything fell into place soon enough.  Alhumdulilah – there is hope – things do get much easier once you get through that first year.  You learn a lot (and so do the kids too, Masha’Allah) and you grow a lot as a person – as a parent – as a Muslim – and as a family.  I truly believe there are a great many of life lessons to be learned through home schooling.  This is true not only for the children – but also for the parent, Masha’Allah.

One thing I am truly grateful for – as a result of home schooling – is the amount of time we get to spend together as a family.  Masha’Allah – we are very close.  Now, don’t think things are perfect in a home schooling family (that would be a disservice).  Sometimes the dishes are not done immediately – sometimes we are sitting in front of the computer doing school while in our pajamas and morning hair, and – the kids don’t always get along.  However, we are close – really, Masha’Allah.  The kids have had to learn to get along with one another – as they spend all day together.  It not only teaches them to try to work together, but they are also learning how to deal with conflicts as well.  Now, most kids learn this – even if they are not home schooled (at least I think they do).  However, when I see many kids today – there aren’t as many tight-knit families as there once were.  It seems that once kids get sent off to school they fall into their own cliques and they find their own self-importance gets in the way of meaningful relationships within the family.  Mind you, I don’t think this is true of all children – but I have seen my share of kids who just live at home – but that’s not where their heart is.  They are yearning only for the support and acceptance of their peers – above (and despite) their own value as a person.  They don’t necessarily do things because they want to – but they do it because “everyone is doing it.”  They chase whatever it is to be “cool” and don’t really think about who they are or what they can achieve.  They try to be something they are not – in order to receive acceptance – and don’t always feel as comfortable in their own skin.

 

I remember when I was growing up, my parents did everything with us as a family (for the most part).  We went out to dinner together – watched movies in the theater together – played baseball together in the back yard, etc., etc.  Now it is difficult for many parents to get their kids to do anything willingly with them (it’s just not cool) – times really have changed.  Now, my kids do not always get along – trust me – but it is “not always” – not “most” of the time.  Alhumdulilah, my kids are best friends to one another.  We are very fortunate, alhumdulilah.  They do have other friends – but they really have grown close over the years and enjoy each other’s company.  Personally, I feel like a different person whenever I go somewhere without them – they are such an important part of my life, masha’Allah.

 

After getting through the first year’s worries and struggles – I truly have found inner peace that I have not known before.  I don’t know if everyone feels that way or if it’s just me.  However, I am glad I have gotten to this point in my life, Alhumdulilah.  This is one of those important lessons I did learn through homeschooling – believe it or not.  I have learned to slow down in life.  I have learned that having a completely neat and tidy house is not always the way to peace and tranquility – sometimes we do need a little messiness in our lives.  [Mind you, my husband doesn't always agree with me on this one ]  I am learning how to stop and smell the flowers – how to enjoy the feel of warm sunshine on my face – how to enjoy the silly giggles of the girls and sometimes to overlook their annoying habits to see the beauty in it all.  My kids – especially one of them – loves to make noises (trying all the different kinds of vocal sounds she can think of) – another loves to sing all the time (“Oooooh, I’m taking a shower – I’m taking a shower – I’m taking a shower and then I’ll be all clean”)  she sings about everything – it’s like a musical around the house.  The youngest just loves to get into trouble – make messes (lots of messes) and whine.  I kinda draw the line at whining – however I have found that usually she just needs guidance on what to say and how to say it.  Trust me when I say it takes a lot of patience on that one – but it is so rewarding when you finally see her speaking her mind, masha’Allah.  I remember the first time she was mad at her sister – she raised her voice and rattled off a bunch of words – none of which we could comprehend.  However, she felt great release by finally having something to say.  Her words are coming in much clearer now, Alhumdulilah.  Anyway – the homeschooling life is not without its challenges – however I have truly started looking at these challenges in a different light.  I try not to always demand quiet – I realize the need to express oneself.  The other day I asked my Mom what annoying habits I had as a child (thinking perhaps I was also a noise maker).  She quickly said: “you never shut up.”  My parents encouraged me to talk early – they always spoke to me and encouraged questions.  After that – I went crazy – talking – talking – talking.  I used to talk to strangers on the bus and subway – inviting to our home for tea.  “Don’t worry, my Mom doesn’t mind!”  My parents used to say (and sometimes still do) that if they could change one thing, they wouldn’t have taught me to talk so early   Things have not changed much.  Subhan’Allah.

 

I guess what I am saying is that I am truly learning more about the meaning of life – instead of being bogged down by all the details and distractions.  Does that make sense?  Every day I try very hard to make sure that I sometime slow myself down a bit and enjoy the moment.  I find myself watching my children and enjoying how they are growing.  Truly, they amaze me – masha’Allah.  When my child is reading a story for school, I sit with her and listen.  Sometimes it really amazes me that a few years ago she didn’t even know the sounds for letters – masha’Allah – and I have been there every step of the way, while she struggled through it.  My other child has practically skipped all that phonics stuff and jumped right into reading.  No, actually her older sister loves to teach her everything she knows, masha’Allah and this has benefited her younger sister so much.  On the sly they do phonics work together – no kidding!  When my oldest was learning multiplication she started teaching her sister who is in 1st grade.  As a result, the 1st grader is great at multiplication – without any influence from me, masha’Allah.  I guess her sister is a great teacher (perhaps better than me!)  When I was in college I finally found my way through math – I guess I finally stumbled upon a great teacher, masha’Allah.  As a result, students in the class started begging me to tutor them. It was then that I learned that if you really want to strengthen some skill – teach others – there’s no better way.  So, I am finding that when she teaches her sister, she also strengthens her own skills.  This doesn’t mean I can sit back now and have her teach her sister everything – but when she takes the opportunity to share with her sister, I encourage her and they both benefit.

 

My kids also love to imagine – they can spend hours at a time just working out some storyline together – acting it out and then imagining more.  You can tell there is growth there.  When I first became a Mom all that hype of superkids was prevalent (I’m sure it still is, but I just don’t listen to that garbage anymore).  If you read to your child in the womb – if you start school when your child is younger – etc., etc., etc.  All that stuff is nonsense as far as I am concerned – and forces children to lose their childhood way before it is necessary.  Children learn through play – they learn a lot.  When they are children the possibilities are endless – they find amusement by searching through blades of grass for ants and examining their behaviors – they are in tune with everything.  Nowadays, parents don’t have time for their children to be children anymore.  They are always trying to speed everything up to keep pace with their own busy and often meaningless lives.  Yes, that comment was harsh – but I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions, right?  Kids are now scheduled for this class and that activity.  Parents are endlessly shuttling their kids from one event to another.  Whatever happened to spontaneous learning – learning just from living?  When I first became a parent, I fell for it.  I bought the toys that were going to make my kids smarter and successful.  What a waste.  Even then my kids knew what was better – they played with the empty boxes.  They build forts and imagined a whole world full of people who lived there and interacted.  Those “genius” toys gathered dust until I woke up and realized that they were just another way to get parents to waste money needlessly.  I don’t know about everyone else’s kids, but my kids need stuff to spark their imagination (they thrive on it).  They love playing with blocks – legos – dress-up clothes – and sometimes just their own imaginations.  Subhan’Allah – when my kids were little (my youngest has just started this) they used to pretend their hands and feet were people.  They’d play act using these “people” and entertain themselves for quite a long time.  They’d allow their imagination take them places – learning about the relationships between these characters – resolve conflicts – expressing themselves and having just plain fun.  Why does everyone think that complicated means better?

 

I just recently set up a writing blog for my two oldest.  You cannot even imagine what that has done to their creativity!  I set up the blogs so that no one can access them – they are just for us to see.  It is mostly a portfolio of their current work – creative writing and artwork.  The first day I spent a lot of time writing up their stories in their individual blogs.  They have had writing journals for a year or so now and they hadn’t been used much.  However, as I was typing up their stories, I finally noticed that no one was in the room.  When I went to find them, they were laying across their beds writing in their journals.  Since then – whenever I can’t find the girls – they are writing, masha’Allah.  The oldest told her sister to “act out” a story she had in mind.  While she is acting it out, the oldest writes the storyline in her journal.  I think she now as about 6 pages written in her journal.

 

I have found one of the most wonderful parts of homeschooling is when you can find some way to encourage the kiddos to love learning – whether it is writing, drawing, or mathematics.  I have always been told something like “teaching is preparing a wonderful meal and encouraging your children to eat.”  Well, it’s something like that – my mind is drawing a blank to the exact quote.  When I was a young child, I was fortunate to have a grandmother who was a Home-Economics Teacher.  Not only did she encourage learning living skills and crafts – she also encouraged us to learn more about the things we loved.  We used to spend each summer at her home.  When we were there, she learned what we enjoyed – then she would encourage us to learn more and to develop our skills.  I loved writing and she encouraged me.  My brother loved drawing and she encouraged his art.  She would pull out pieces of paper and scissors and ask us to create something – anything.  Use your imagination.  Those days and the many lessons she taught us will be with us forever – my brothers and I are extremely grateful for the experience.  As homeschoolers, we also have the opportunity to do this for our children.  It is not only to teach the basics – Reading – Writing and Arithmetic – but to share with them the love for learning and growth as a person.  If we can do that – and help them to find a beauty within themselves – to help them reach for their dreams and to believe that they can make a difference – then we truly have done a good job to prepare our children, insha’Allah.

 

A child’s eyes, those clear wells of undefiled thought—

what on earth can be more beautiful?

Full of hope, love and curiosity, they meet your own.

In prayer, how earnest; in joy, how sparkling; in sympathy, how tender!

The man who never tried the companionship of a little child

has carelessly passed by one of the great pleasures of life,

as one passes a rare flower without plucking it or knowing its value.

~ Mrs. Norton ~

Asalaam ‘Alaikum,

Sumayyah Umm SAA

Skills and Eating . . . for Life

Asalaam ‘Alaikum:

I wasn’t going to post any more this week.  However, sometimes enlightenment hits you – even if it’s not an earth shaking idea.  I’ll take what I can get!  Well, I just borrowed a DVD from the library called “Healthy Appetite with Ellie Krieger”.  Yes, I’m on a quest to eat healthier foods – but I don’t want to compromise on taste.  For those of you who are already bored – don’t worry, somewhere in this post you will find something relevant to homeschooling.  Somewhere.  Just bear with me!

 

Anyway . . . I was making Vanilla Spice Oatmeal this morning for breakfast – at the kiddos urgent request (they really love oatmeal, masha’Allah).  I don’t know how many of you out there actually take the time to make your own oatmeal (no those packets that you just pour water over is not considered “making your own”).  Sorry.  I was standing there preparing the oatmeal and I was thinking about how I used to prepare those little packets for the girls (up until this year).  After reading that book “Eat This, Not That” I re-examined our use of those sugar laden packets of cereal and realized that even in its “healthy disguise” (we should all eat more oatmeal – right?) oatmeal eaten this way is just not good for you.

 

Then, I was wondering – why in the heck have I always just resigned myself to making this junk food disguised as healthy food anyway?  This is where the enlightenment part comes in – so stand back!  In this day and age – the amazing age of fast food and readily prepared food – where we are always too busy running from one place to another – no one has bothered to pass down the great gifts of self reliance anymore because we have lost the way.  What – you say?  How do you get that from a tiny packet of oatmeal?  Well, this thought started there – but it took me down other paths, you see.  Don’t look so surprised – I mean, you have read some of my other posts, haven’t you?!?

 

I made those tiny sugar-laden packets of oatmeal because that is the way my mother made oatmeal for us as children.  My mother never made her own oatmeal – and I doubt that she knew how.  Mind you, she wasn’t the best cook anyway – but I am sure that even “good cooks” out there may not make everything themselves these days.  Think back to the days of Laura Ingalls – Subhan’Allah – I always admiringly look upon those days, wishing for its beautiful simplicity.  I know – life must have been hard back then – lots of work too.  However, imagine how wonderful it must be to build your own house (can you imagine!) – to sew your own clothes – to make your own cheese, ice cream and yogurt – to milk your own cow.  I’m sure some out there still live this way (but not many) – I’m sure though, that many would stare at a cow and wonder where the milk comes from (if they even know milk comes from cows and not the dairy section of their local supermarket).  I wonder though, what it must have been like to be a Muslim back then, though.  Perhaps I don’t want to know.  Anyway, I don’t know about how these things affect other societies or other cultures – although I have even seen changes in Yemen as well (believe it or not).   The point is – we have definitely lost our way- we are so out of touch with the world around us – our food – the earth – our history and culture.

 

We no longer raise the animals we eat – and most people only buy a slab of meat at the market not even knowing where it came from.  Yes dear, it just amazingly appeared already packaged in styrofoam – right?  Most people have no idea of how the animals they eat are raised – how they are treated, what they eat or how they are slaughtered.  And, as a Muslim (might I remind you) this is extremely important.  Unless I don’t understand it properly – it doesn’t just make an animal halal to just say “Bismillah” and slaughter it.  Mind you, I am no scholar – but in my limited understanding there are ways that things must be done – and most of us are terribly ignorant of that fact (myself included).  Most “halal” meat providers slaughter “Islamically” yet they have no idea what that animal was eating prior to slaughter or how it was treated and raised – because they often just bought it at auction.  Don’t believe me?  Ask.  You’ll be shocked at the answer.  I have also gone to a slaughterhouse with my husband and seen inhumane treatment of the animals as well (Once an animal had a chain wrapped around its ankle and was raised up high to be slaughtered – dangling by its leg – upside down.  Another time the person brought another animal into the same pen where one animal was being already slaughtered) – all against the Islamic rules of slaughter – but you knew that, didn’t you?  The problem is, how many of us actually know what is going on?  Even while visiting Yemen once I witnessed a man bring his sheep to a garbage bin.  The night before, the place next to us had a huge wedding party and their scraps where all in the bin.  The man pulled down the sheets of paper filled with leftovers and fed his sheep.  Do you think he bothered to take out the meat that was on the paper?  No.  Wait, I  know – perhaps he knew the wedding party was filled with vegetarians.  My mistake.  Anyway – the main point is that we truly need to wake up and smell the grande low-fat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappuccino!  We have to make ourselves more aware.

It’s not just the meat we eat – what about the other stuff we put into our mouths.  The drinks – the vegetables – the grains – the fruits.  Most of these items are not the same as when we were growing up (Subhan’Allah – just look at the book “Eat This, Not That” and it will tell you we consume way more calories by drinks than ever before).  I mean, look at good-for-nothing corn syrup – it’s in almost every packaged food item on the shelves of your local supermarket.  We recently ate out (a rare event) and the side-item for the kids was applesauce.  The girls usually eat regular unsweetened applesauce (I mean, do you really need to add sugar to everything?!?)  The second ingredient – after apples – was corn syrup!  That’s just not normal – and it isn’t good for you.

When I was growing up, we were fortunate enough to have a huge backyard garden.  I also grew a garden as a girl scout and knew where my food came from.  I loved it.  Now, we live in a house with a small sloped backyard and I wouldn’t want to grow anything there anyway – our neighbors (and dh) use way too much fertilizer to take care of their beautiful green grass.  Instead of growing wonderful food in your backyard – you grow useless grass!  I mean, my neighbor cuts his grass a few times a week – making sure to make those pretty horizontal and vertical lines just like commercial grass cutters.  How sweet, right?  Well, I remember when my mother-in-law came to visit us.  We’d show her the landscape – the mountains – the trees.  She wasn’t impressed.  She simply said “in our country, the trees grow fruit.”  Enough said.  I mean, when I was growing up my grandmother had trees in her yard.  She had a lemon tree, an apple tree and a pear tree.  We loved to pick the fruit!  Living here – with little tree cover and little shade – I still do love trees – don’t get me wrong.  However, I can’t help but truly miss those that bore fruit.  I mean, when was the last time you just went into your backyard and picked fruit fresh from the tree and ate?  We don’t know what we are missing out on!  These trees not only provide shade, but they provide sustenance as well.  So, (lucky me) instead we have a treeless yard and grass – lots of grass.  I shouldn’t leave out that other wonderful trick – lots of rocks to go around the grass so you don’t have to spend all day cutting grass (for those lazier folks out there – you know who you are :0)  So, you not only have mounds of useless grass – you also have a wonderful rock garden.  This isn’t coming across as complaining or anything, is it?

Well, I’m only in control of what I do and what I can do – I can’t always reason with everyone else.  So, some things I just have to miss – and that’s that.  Anyway, I can’t stress enough how I miss feeling the soil between my fingers – and the joy of eating what you grew yourself.  I remember that a friend of mine – while growing up – her grandparents had a huge garden and they would eat from it all year long.  They spent time canning and preparing vegetables and fruits for freezing together as a family.  Now, we go to the grocery store and find fruits and vegetables that we aren’t even sure of their origins.  Where are they grown?  Are they covered with harmful pesticides or other chemicals?  Are they genetically modified?  Are they safe to eat?  How will their consumption affect myself and my family?

I kind of rambled on about the food – didn’t know I was thinking all that stuff.  My goodness, what brain I have left is often chasing around the kids all day and I rarely get a chance to stop and actually think – especially out loud.  It sometimes shocks me where one idea takes me to another – and another – and another.  I am not kidding . . . in normal conversation with friends it usually goes like this “Oh, did I tell you about ….” and then a few minutes later “Oh, that reminds me about …” and then a few minutes later “oh, what was I originally talking about?”  I think I’ve signed myself up for early senility unknowingly – must have been while enjoying my morning coffee!

What I was really consciously thinking about this morning while fixing the oatmeal was also the way our lives had changed in other ways.  Thinking of the girls, I remember when my grandmother taught me how to embroider (she didn’t actually teach me how to sew – she died before having the chance).  She also taught me how to crochet – but she did not know how to knit.  What wonderful knowledge used to be passed on from generation to generation.  Now, you find few people who still do these things.  Women used to teach their girls how to sew, crochet, knit, cook, bake, etc., etc., etc.  Nowadays you find many women who can’t do these things and I know a few sisters who don’t even know how to cook – at all. Subhan’Allah – their husband’s have to forego dinners like frozen fish sticks with tartar sauce at least a couple of times a week.  We need to get back to the basics of life (at least as much as possible) and share these important crafts and life skills to our children.  My grandmother was a home-ec. Teacher and she loved this sort of thing.  I remember once she gave me a wonderful book – it taught you the basic skills of living – things like how to fold towels, how to set the table, how to sew, etc.  Masha’Allah – how wonderful it is to teach yourself and your children to be self-sufficient.  Anyway – I feel that it is high time that we start returning to some of the ways we used to do things – and some of the things we used to teach before we got so blinded by the “easy life.”  You know, if you need something – just go to Wal-Mart and get it, right?!?

If you were not fortunate enough to pick up these skills – try to find someone in your family or community that has them and have them teach your child.  Hey, while you’re at it – watch and learn yourself too!  There are places that teach sewing (I even took some classes, masha’Allah) – others that teach crochet and knitting.  I even have a friend who knows how to make her own clay beads to make necklaces.  I know that I have heard on the homeschooling groups posts about books available online for learning other life skills – if I get a chance, I will try to post the links here I just can’t find them right now.  Sorry.  Anyway, the opportunities for growth and learning are endless.

Also, way back when, boys were also often taught things like wood-working skills or mechanics (either things like fixing cars or fixing machines around the house).  My brother was really good at taking things apart – he just never could put them back together again.  Imagine my parents surprise when the tv was sitting there – all taken apart!  I still remember my dad puttering around either in the garage or in his basement workshop.  I just wish he had actually taught me something!  Unfortunately, I never gained these skills.  I really regret that – but I doubt I will ever have that chance now – and dh definitely has never been taught these skills.  I had to teach him how to use a hammer J I have to admit – whenever I see someone actually make something for themselves out of wood, like a deck or cabinetry, etc. – I still get that “I wish I could take a class for that” yearning . . .  However, I really doubt I will ever actually go through with it – so sad.  Anyway, if there is anyone in your family – anyone in your lives that do have these skills it would be a wonderful gift for your child to involve them.  Ask the person to let your child be an apprentice.  If worst comes to worst – at least let your child sign up for those neat kids’ classes they have at Home Depot or Lowes.  I’m sure your kiddos will be grateful.

Well, if you actually stuck around and read to the end of this post – congratulations!  To reward you for your patience with my rambling, I’ve decided to add that recipe for the Vanilla Spice Oatmeal I was making this morning.

Boil 3 ½ cups of water.  Add 2 cups oatmeal.  If you like plump raisins, add ½ cup raisins while boiling.  Otherwise, add them afterwards.  Boil for 5 minutes. When the 5 minutes are up, add ¼ tsp. vanilla, 1 pinch of nutmeg and 2 tbsp. brown sugar.  Sprinkle toasted walnuts on top.  If you like your oatmeal creamy, drizzle a bit of milk on the top of the oatmeal.  Eat and enjoy!

I bet you never knew making oatmeal could be so thought provoking!  Make some today and see what thoughts you come up with.. .

Asalaam ‘Alaikum,

Sumayyah Umm SAA